treading water

Do you ever feel like you are treading water... moving your arms and legs and looking to a goal, but not really making it any closer to that goal? That is how I am feeling right now. It's so easy to get stuck in the 8-4:30 life. The days run into each other. Every day is exactly the same (in the lovely words of Trent Reznor). I don't want this for myself in the end. I understand transition times are necessary and I am confident that I am in one and that it is taking me to a better place. I can't help but feel though, as if I am just treading water. It's easy to get caught in a moment...

Going back to McDonald's has been interesting. I don't exactly feel as if I'm regressing. If anything, being back there has shown me how much I've grown and how far I've come since those days. So, it's reinforcement I suppose.

In high school, my favorite teacher of all time, Mr. Hale (who taught orchestra) told us all our last week of senior year to write a letter to ourselves about our hopes and dreams and where we wanted to be in five years. He wanted us to seal it and open it after five years had passed to see how much things have changed. At the time, this didn't mean much to me. I said I'd do it...and then I forgot and it didn't happen. It sucks because I can't even think back to that time and really know what my dreams and aspirations were. I really should have taken on this challenge. It would have been extremely enlightening. I think I will do this soon. For five years from now. It would be really interesting. I learned a lot from that man...

I have learned a lot about myself in the past five years or so and I have hope that the next five will be happy, enjoyable and will teach me many lessons. I can't help but feel like I'm simply treading right now, but I think that's what God wants for me right now.

_______
Everyday is Exactly the Same By: NIN

I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then againThat might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around,Oh, no
[Chorus:]Every day is exactly the same,
Every day is exactly the same,
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy hereSometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end

I'm writing on a little piece of paperI'm hoping someday you might find
Well I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I'm still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do


-this song is the definition of FUDC...
This blog post gave me an excuse to post a pic of Trent :0)