There are women in the museum today. They are working on our Terry Lee/Buddy Lee exhibit. Don’t ask me what this is… This frustrates me. When there are women here I’m expected to take care of them. It’s a full-time baby-sitting job. I don’t currently have a lot going on here at the reception desk but when I do have work to be done it’s frustrating.

This is the third day in a row that what I’ve worn has matched my shoe calendar. Totally by accident too. Incredible. I’m very thankful I have tonight off, sort of. We do have church tonight and that will consume my evening. I need to pack afterward since I’m heading to STL tomorrow evening. I’m excited to meet with the schools Friday. I’m hoping it will give me more piece of mind. I know August will be here before I know it but I’m antsy! I could move tomorrow and be perfectly content.

With the situation the economy’s in I am praying I’ll be able to find a lendor to provide me with the money I need to finish school. I JUST NEED TO FINISH SCHOOL… for goodness sake.
I’ve been digging The Mars Volta this week as far as music goes and have decided to see what I can find out and listen to of Thom Yorke of Radiohead.

I need a N-A-P badly. I need an afternoon off to do nothing, to gather my thoughts and just rest my eyes.

I dream in color

It's not a good time right now. If you've got a job, good for you but there's the chance that tomorrow that will be taken away from you. If you don't have a job, you're in the same position as hundreds of other Americans. Of course, things will shape up eventually. We'll get through the clouds and the rain but waiting is difficult. God isn't plaguing us with locusts or anything like this, so it could always be worse - right?

The past two nights I have dreamt of staircases. Multiple staircases, going many directions. I was climbing them and I was going down them. I figured, this had to mean something prophetic. I am a firm believer that dreams allow us to see into our subconscious and can reveal things to us about ourselves, our strengths and our insecurities as well. Apparently, dreaming of going up stairs means I am achieving a higher level of understanding and making progress in my spiritual/emotional journey. I'd agree with this. BUT, going down stairs means I will face obstacles. I'm sure I will... that's life, right? Anyway, I thought it was kind of insightful and interesting.

I have three visits set up. Two this Friday, Lindenwood and Maryville. One on Feb. 6 at UMSL. Looking forward to finding out more about these schools and praying about which one will be best for me. If you ask me, I've had my share of obstacles and I think it's only fair I can move forward for awhile without any. But, God is in control so only He knows.

I'm so blessed!

treading water

Do you ever feel like you are treading water... moving your arms and legs and looking to a goal, but not really making it any closer to that goal? That is how I am feeling right now. It's so easy to get stuck in the 8-4:30 life. The days run into each other. Every day is exactly the same (in the lovely words of Trent Reznor). I don't want this for myself in the end. I understand transition times are necessary and I am confident that I am in one and that it is taking me to a better place. I can't help but feel though, as if I am just treading water. It's easy to get caught in a moment...

Going back to McDonald's has been interesting. I don't exactly feel as if I'm regressing. If anything, being back there has shown me how much I've grown and how far I've come since those days. So, it's reinforcement I suppose.

In high school, my favorite teacher of all time, Mr. Hale (who taught orchestra) told us all our last week of senior year to write a letter to ourselves about our hopes and dreams and where we wanted to be in five years. He wanted us to seal it and open it after five years had passed to see how much things have changed. At the time, this didn't mean much to me. I said I'd do it...and then I forgot and it didn't happen. It sucks because I can't even think back to that time and really know what my dreams and aspirations were. I really should have taken on this challenge. It would have been extremely enlightening. I think I will do this soon. For five years from now. It would be really interesting. I learned a lot from that man...

I have learned a lot about myself in the past five years or so and I have hope that the next five will be happy, enjoyable and will teach me many lessons. I can't help but feel like I'm simply treading right now, but I think that's what God wants for me right now.

_______
Everyday is Exactly the Same By: NIN

I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then againThat might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around,Oh, no
[Chorus:]Every day is exactly the same,
Every day is exactly the same,
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy hereSometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end

I'm writing on a little piece of paperI'm hoping someday you might find
Well I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I'm still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do


-this song is the definition of FUDC...
This blog post gave me an excuse to post a pic of Trent :0)

What I do all day...

1. Facebook 2. Check e-mail 3. Check the online store for orders 4. read KC.com 5. Read NewYorker.com 6. Read Dilbert cartoons - they are the BEST!

The guys next door are doing major building construction. So, all day I have to listen to loud machinery. It's killing me. The phones have been unusually quiet all week. I'm ready for the registration cards and dealer contracts to start pouring in so I have something to do.

hmmm....

I see that on this day in 1924, Vladimir Lenin died. That's ironic since I'm currently trying to get through "Dr. Zhivago". It's a classic of sorts and pretty good so far. Long though. I sure don't know much about Russian history. Perhaps I should find a book on the subject.

I'm pining for the weekend... It's been two weeks since I've seen my love. End of story.

Obama-Rama

Thank you, American media, for coming up with a catch-phrase we can all enjoy for the next week and a half... We are making history today. I think that it is going to be important to move forward from this day as far as race-relations go. America elected a black president (or a half black president) and that is wonderful progress. To me, this means tomorrow we move forward. We cannot change the past but we can change the future and continue to move forward and away from our prejudices. Hopefully, Obama will help us to do that.

There's a feeling of excitement in the air today. At least there was at Starbucks. The Inauguration coverage was already on and patriotic coffee sleeves were in order. I know I'm not too old, and there aren't many inaugurations I recall but I know I've never seen or felt excitement like this on Inauguration Day. Obama's got a lot of "promises" to live up to, and we all know he can't do it all. He is human after all. I do believe he will try his best to improve the situation. His approval ratings are 107% today... we'll see how he fares after a few months. If anything, he will strengthen our reputation with the rest of the world. And, thank goodness for that.

In honor of Barack, I'm listening to my "black" music today... And, I'll be watching the inauguration ceremony. I don't need to glue myself to the all-day coverage. It would be awesome to actually be present for the ceremony. We are making history here... and it's about time. And let's be honest, whether conservative or liberal, we will all sleep better knowing Hillary Clinton's not becoming our 44th president!

XM radiooooo.......

I WANT IT!

Heather Rose - A Bio Poem

Heather

Compassionate, Empathetic, Generous, Determined

Who loves her family, Brian, and great friends

Who needs love, books and goals

Who feels happy, healed and whole

Who learns everyday

Who fears loss

Who dreams about having a family

Remember the famous Bio Poem activity from grade school? I thought it might be interesting to do one and explore myself a bit. This is what I came up with.

it doesn't happen often

It truly was a miracle yesterday when US Airways flight 1549 was able to 1. safely land and 2. when ALL occupants were able to safely escape the downed aircraft. Headlines (on CNN) called it a Miracle. I agree that it truly was a miracle that no one was hurt in this incident. I am surprised the media chose the word Miracle to describe it... This is not a word we hear mainstreamed a lot. I'm sure it's used sparingly because of it's religious connotation. But in the event of a crisis like this, God always seems to find his way into the media coverage. The definition of Miracle is: Such an effect or event manifesting or considered as a work of God. So, we acknowledge the work of God in extreme and rare cases.... interesting.

Only in America

Only in America would we appoint someone to look after our national treasury who... scammed the IRS. Oh wait, it was an "honest oversight." HA! I'll rest easy tonight knowing that America is still the same, old, corrupt place. At least we have that constant. It really doesn't seem to matter who the administration is.

Speaking of America, my best friend will be in America for the first time in over a year very soon! I will feel better just knowing she is safe in Atlanta. I am so excited for the short time we will have together. We have plans for the plaza! Many things are on the list. All the American things she can't quite get in Spain. Target, Starbucks and many more sites are on the list. We'll be as American as possible!

Life is busying up. Working at Mcdonalds a couple of nights a week and one weekend a month will keep me quite busy. It will also keep me out of debt, hopefully. All the extra money earned is going into a special St. Louis account. It's what I will live off when I move. I am pining to have my own place again. It's hard to move back home after being out so long. The weekend promises to be VERY busy. Friday will consist of working full shifts at both jobs Friday and Sunday will include church and a McDonald's shift. I'll be ready though, come Saturday morning to get my Cynthia and start our day!!!

I know once I get in the swing of things, I'll be fine. I've always been good at juggling schedules. I also like to stay as busy as possible. I accomplish more that way. It will make the days, weeks, months fly by!

I'll have much to blog about after Saturday's adventures! And photos too!

Monday, Monday

I realize the title is cliche. I also realize that now that I've used it, I can't reuse it. Oh well. I have made a major accomplishment today. I've found a home for both of my piglets. Izzy is going to a breeder and Zoe is going to a nice young lady who obviously loves animals. I am very relieved. I just do not have time to spend with my piggies any more. I'm always gone on the weekend and never have time to play with them. I'll miss them but oh well. My room will be cleaner and less smelly.

I had grand intentions for today. My alarm was set for 5AM. I was going to "go to the gym". Ha. This was my to do list: 1. Gym 2. Laundry 3. Dry cleaners on the way to work. I accomplished the last one and that is all. But, I've also found a home for my pets so that counts for something! Zoe's going tomorrow evening and I'm waiting to hear from this breeder... Today is my first day working two jobs. The other is 5-9 which doesn't sound too terrible. I just keep thinking of all the money I'll be saving... and that should keep me motivated for awhile.

My current to-do list is ridiculous. I'm so overwhelmed.

Sixteen Random Facts

I am copying this from Cynthia, who copied it from someone else. It's a fun game. 16 random facts about myself that most people do not know...

1. I'm a coffee fiend. This is one fact I'm sure everyone who knows me knows about me. But, it's an integral part of who I am. I'm lost without the bitter, hot stuff! The thing I love about life is that no matter where you go (except Maryville, Mo), there is always a Starbucks nearby! I'll admit it, I'm addicted.

2. I like school. I have always liked school. I loved gradeschool, middle school and the subject matter of high school. I didn't like the atmosphere or the idea of going to high school, but I have always loved learning. I always will! I get a high from purchasing a new textbook...as nerdy as that sounds. Probably why I'm going to be a teacher, huh?

3. I'm terrified of burning to death. As a child I had nightmares that our house would catch on fire and I would be stuck in it. The idea of waking up in the middle of the night to flames and smoke scared me silly. I still have this fear. Maybe that's why I'm anal about unplugging things...

4. Yellow roses and daisies are my favorite flowers

5. Ethnic food is my favorite. Whether it's Japanese sushi, Italian eggplant parmigiana or Greek gyros, I love it all. It's my sheltered way of being adventurous, I suppose.

6. Favorite hang-out: your friendly local bookshelf. Be it Borders, Barnes & Noble, or just some hole in the wall, I am all about perusing book stores. It literally gives me a high I cannot describe. I hunger for knowledge and this must be why I feel so excited in a place where the knowledge dwells. Numerous subjects interest me when it comes to non-fiction and there's nothing better than a fiction novel on a rainy day (or when my bf is watching sports) ! :)

7. I like rainy days. I don't know why I'm drawn to the melancholy but I just crave it sometimes.

8. Sylvia Plath is my favorite poet - of ALL time. If you've not read Sylvia, you need to. Her poetry is so deeply moving. She uses her pain to create the most beautiful writing. She organized words in a way no one can.

9. I've pledged to, in my life, become a connoisseur of fine cheese and wine. Also, SHOES. I know it's odd to lump these obsessions into one category but, I shall.

10. I'm great a killing time. I've only had two desk jobs but I can confidently say that I am great at looking busy. Is this a quality? ehhh... it's just a fact.

11. As much as I boast loathing Corporate America, I had some great times at KCP&L. If I could go back...... maybe I would. Not for life by any means, but it was entertaining!

12. I'm a candle fiend. It's true. I fiend them. Maybe it's because I'm a romantic at heart, I don't know! But I love them. Mainly the expensive ones...

13. I can't wait to be a mother. I look forward to other dreams and aspirations but more than anything else, I look forward to motherhood. I feel like I was made to be a mother.

14. I don't like cereal. I'm probably the only one on earth.

15. I am horrible at math. This is no secret to those who know me.

16. Family is the most important thing to me.

p.s. Sometimes, all you need to make your day is a compliment. I just a compliment from a club member. It's given me a little more faith in our membership. For the next hour... :)

I love my beagle

Music of interest... I've finally gotten around to obtaining a little bit of new music. I need much more though. In the past 24 hours, I've downloaded the following-

1. The Eels, Souljacker album: It's totally awesome! I can't quite describe the sound... If you like Beck, then they are a must. If you're not a Beck fan (well shame on you) and still give them a listen. They make me happy... It made the traffic accident I ran into this morning not so bad!

2. Lil Jon, "Throw them up"... or maybe "Throw em up"... and it is spelled Jon and not John LOL. I had been trying to remember this song from my high school days for the past few weeks. Suddenly it came to me while watching the VMA's. Thank goodness because it was driving me crazy. This song has the Overture from Requiem for a Dream in the background. It's real catchy :) Back in the day, I had an entire CD of just this song. It reminded me that I must get subby-equipped asap! Sometimes, I like to drive around and pretend I'm a gangster.

3. The Kooks, "Sway": It's good stuff. I've heard and liked a bit of their music. It's pleasant.

4. The Stranglers, "Golden Brown": This is actually an older band I believe, like 70's even. This tune is so groovy man! I can't get enough...

I guess that's all for now. I'm on a mission to find new, interesting material. And, I want everyone to know that I am doing a good job reading more so far this year! I start to my other job next Monday though and that may infringe a bit on the literacy.

ordinary day

I had to go to the Clay County health department today in order to get a photo i.d. for my food handler's permit. This is serious stuff. Back in the day, only management employees were required to have these credentials. Apparently now, everyone does. I'm sure this is a good move. Many of our employees were completly and disgustingly ignorant when it came to food safety! Anyway, it was more difficult finding this building than it was getting my photo i.d. My supervisor had already faxed my certificate... I did have to pay $10.00 though which is a bit ridiculous. Oh well. I have to say that while many government agencies are horrible places to be, the health department (of all places!) is pretty stream-lined and conveient. I know, what am I saying, right? But, other than a few shots, I've never needed to wait long around that office. It pleases me; that's my tax dollars at work! It's gratifying to see this sort of efficiency...

The office has been pretty busy this week so far. It's like these women were waiting for the past two weeks to call and order merchandise, complain about Doll News, etc. They just couldn't wait until we came back to tend to their every need. Rachel and I are trying to do a photo contest for our junior members. We have a Junior Membership Chairman but they don't do anything at all... so we thought we would provide the girls with something fun. Apparently though, we have to run this thing by this Junior Membership character first. This really frustrates me!!!! She's not doing her job, she reports to US, so why can't we send out a mailing. GRRRR. I like being busy because it makes the days fly by. I also took down the Christmas decorations which is what I need to do at home tonight.

It's been a rather lame day. I wanted to get up and go to the gym at 5:00 but I was awake between 1:00 and 4:00 and so it just didn't happen. I'm a bit anxious about starting another job I suppose. Excited though, because it's going to help me reach my end goal - moving! The more money I can save, the better it will be!

I'm anxious for next weekend when my long lost BFF returns to the States from Spain for a visit! It will be too short, but I know we will make the most of it and have a blast. I adore her, and cannot wait for the reunion!

I also hope to meet my old supervisor from KCP&L for lunch soon! I haven't seen Jamie in over a year. She was a great mentor and we had so much "fun" together planning the Harvester's Food Drive for the company.

I'm a bit nostalgic today... thinking about different phases of my past. The good ones, that is. I think the past year I focused a lot on the negative, so it's time to focus on the positives and work on creating great, new memories. I'm so thankful for everything in my life!!

I leave you with this: Romans 5:3-4 -We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience.4 And patience produces character, and character produces hope

Work like you don't need the money...

I've worked at FUDC (code) for one year today. I've always tried to live by the phrase, "Work like you don't need the money." I think the meaning of this is to try and find joy and purpose in your work so that it doesn't become mundane and dissatisfying. I've tried to keep that attitude in the past year. It's not fun waking up early and making the morning commute. It's nice that I don't travel downtown anymore. Looking back on it, I liked working downtown but dealing with the other crankies that do was not fun. I'm relatively close to my home now and that is nice. I deal with a lot of ridiculous members on the phone and convention was unbearable. At some point, I stopped working with this philosophy in mind and I need to get that back. I need to be appreciative that I have a job like I do. I was thinking this morning, that it's my co-workers that allow me to be positive about my job. I don't necessarily like the people I work for, or enjoy the membership very much (I hope I'm not so hard to please as I become elderly). But, I do thoroughly enjoy the individuals I work with in the office on a daily basis. I look up to Rachel, Kae and Teresa. They have been amazing women in my life. If it weren't for them, moving back to Kansas City would have been a lot harder. We are more than co-workers; we are friends.

I remember trying to have this attitude at past jobs and I found a way, but here it is much easier because we do have fun at work. I've got several more months here at FUDC I am making a pledge today to enjoy it and to work everyday like I don't need the money, even though I desperately do! It is this attitude that is going to get me through and help me in my future endeavors. I don't mind working full-time. It fills my days. But, I look forward to the collegiate life when I am able to return to that.

Currently Reading

I am currently reading The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski. It is one of Oprah's Book Club books. I kind of wonder how much time Oprah really has on her hands for literature... at any rate, it is so far, a very good story.

description: Born mute, speaking only in sign, Edgar Sawtelle leads an idyllic life with his parents on their farm in remote northern Wisconsin. For generations, the Sawtelles have raised and trained a fictional breed of dog whose thoughtful companionship is epitomized by Almondine, Edgar's lifelong friend and ally. But with the unexpected return of Claude, Edgar's paternal uncle, turmoil consumes the Sawtelles' once peaceful home. When Edgar's father dies suddenly, Claude insinuates himself into the life of the farm--and into Edgar's mother's affections.
Grief-stricken and bewildered, Edgar tries to prove Claude played a role in his father's death, but his plan backfires--spectacularly. Forced to flee into the vast wilderness lying beyond the farm, Edgar comes of age in the wild, fighting for his survival and that of the three yearling dogs who follow him. But his need to face his father's murderer and his devotion to the Sawtelle dogs turn Edgar ever homeward.
David Wroblewski is a master storyteller, and his breathtaking scenes--the elemental north woods, the sweep of seasons, an iconic American barn, a fateful vision rendered in the falling rain--create a riveting family saga, a brilliant exploration of the limits of language, and a compulsively readable modern classic.

So far, I like that this book deals with a boy who signs. It's a glimpse into a different culture, one I'm familiar with. Also, I think the setting is capturing. I am excited to get some more recreational reading done. I've decided to take the next semester off school. I figure, if I am transferring in August (or possibly online this summer), I shouldn't waste more time and money taking classes that may possibly not transfer. This is going to give me the oppurtunity to ready more, hopefully. I don't have any resolutions per say, but I do pan to try and read more for my own enjoyment in the future.

After I finish this book, I'm moving onto a classic, The Alchemist.