where am i again?

I'm completely overwhelmed with my schedule right now. Wondering if I took on too much. Once I get this all figured out I think I'll be okay. breathe..just breathe.

My advisor thought I was a freshman.........oh my

cellar door

I have found a sleep aid that works for me. An over the counter one. This is great. Up to this point I couldn't use any of that stuff. It was ineffective. The anxiety has been pretty moderate to bad these past few days. It's unintentional. I try to pray it away. I'm sure it's just all these adjustments. It's natural.Unisom geltabs are now my best friend. "Non-habit forming", they say.

I sort of feel like I am living in a convent. The building's so old, there are all women here, the rules are so strict, we have an attached chapel. It's somewhat quaint and charming in a way. I mean, what sort of institutions run this way in this day and age? Visitation hours? It's kind of cute, I suppose. It certainly makes my job easier as an RA. Although the girls are still getting into plenty of trouble. I don't know what it is about girls and their catty behaviors. I was never like that. It's too complicated and unfulfilling and shallow. *sigh*

This building is so cool...doing my rounds I am finding secret little doors and staircases that go to "nowhere". It's fun to walk the quiet halls. There's something calming about it. Creaky. Unexplored. There's a rumor (of course) that this place is haunted, but I'm really not getting that vibe. I had an episode with a light in my room which I can't explain but, it's an old building so who knows, right?

My classes are getting off to a rousing (semi-stressful) start. I can't believe all the work it's going to entail. That's what I'm here for though, so it should be good. I'm thankful because most of these professors' philosophies on teaching match those at NW and I am comfortable and in agreement.

Finishing up Time Traveler's Wife. I hear the movie is nothing like the book (isn't it always this way?). The book is incredible. It will go on my favorites list for sure. It's an extrachronilogical love story and it's so beautiful, in a very unique way. I haven't been able to put it down. I've finished it in 6 days. I've had a lot of reading time on my hands with all the desk-duty I've had this week. If you read this blog, pray I will get some desk-sitters during my shifts so I don't have to sit at the front door.

Community bathrooms, loud passers-by at night, stomping, screaming, late-night food runs, open-door policy..... hello dorm life! 2 semesters left. I should live it up while I'm here... and that's my intention. I love this place.

ascending.......

Sometimes it absolutely hits me like a ton of bricks, without warning. "I miss my mommy!!!". It's these moments when pain overcomes me and I feel at my weakest. As much as I love the way my life is going, despite my incredible support system, there is still one piece of me that is MISSING. It will be absent for the rest of my mortal life. I can't do anything to change it, get it back, bring her closer to me. If anything, the memories become fuzzier and that breaks my heart more than anything. Usually these moments come about in times of change. My life is 100% different than it was a year ago. Classes start tomorrow at yet another school. I'm meeting new people everyday (stressful for me) and I'm somewhat anxious about getting used to all these changes. It hit me this afternoon...the move went smoothly, I LOVE being near Brian. Mom wasn't here to help with this transistion again. This is one more life change that I'm having to endure without her.

These past few weeks I've felt like I was on a roller coaster. The part where you go up and up and up and up and today we got to the top of the highest part of the coaster. Tomorrow the descent begins. The dive into my new life. New school, new home, new friends, new family. Lots of new beginnings to look forward to. I try to focus on the future everyday it's just that once and awhile, I get pulled back and it's tough.

So, here goes nothing (and everything).

holding period

Ahh.. it's move in day. Parents are everywhere... my car is blocked in. That's fine though because I'm not allowed to leave until 4:00. I've been making the rounds getting aquainted with my floor mates. It's exciting to have people around; it's been so lonely the past couple of weeks. And quiet. It's kind of a hurry up and wait atmosphere around here.

It's 76 degrees today and beautiful out. I'm thankful for the bay window today. I'm reading my latest book, Time Traveler's Wife. It's sooooo good so far! I must see the movie once I'm done.

I joined the YMCA and that makes me feel good. My goal is to go at least 3 times a week. We shall see how that goes.

I'm really ready for it to be 4:00. Slept horrible and so a nap will be in order.

I'm thanking God for such a gorgeous day.

no corndog for u!

Somehow I went from a desk job to manual labor in a three-week period. I accepted a 'small' job cleaning a house today for my future brother-in-law. My body is sore...and I'm pretty sure I was high all afternoon from paint fumes. LOL. I guess it wasn't THAT bad but my back IS killing me.

The thing I HATE about relocating (and living in a small room) is that I never feel like I have everything I need. At home I have everything I could ever need, the creature comforts. Because I'm limited in space around here I can't possibly bring every necessity. I'm also strewn across three households right now, and that makes it hard to keep track of personal items. I wish I could just have three of everything... but I can't. I'm constantly thinking of things I need to run and pick up. Of course, without an income right now it's not that simple. *sigh*

Residents move in tomorrow 8-4 and Sunday 8-4. Boo... I'm anticipating a lot of questions and issues. I hope it's not too overwhelming. I'm real ready for classes to start. I long for a routine.

I've discovered the library here. It's absolutely amazing. That's what the photo is of. It makes me feel like I'm back in the 50's or something LOL.

23 more credit hours and I can move on! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the experience here will be good. I need to learn to be okay with the present moment instead of longing for the future. The future is uncertain anyway.

God is in control! This much I know!

yesterdays bloggie.....

8.17.09
I can’t imagine how it would feel to be in a different country…just dropped off with no family, no friends, no resources. I don’t think I could cope. The loneliness, the feeling of isolation and fear.
International students moved in today. We have spent the day helping a few of them out. It’s got to be so humbling. Something as simple as a text to us is impossible for them. We have needs, we know where to go. These students are living in the United States for the first time and even basic needs are hard to fulfill. Where is the store? How will I get there? Where can I get food? Where am I in relation to… How do I buy books?
We have about 40 international students in this dorm. That’s quite a few. They don’t get to choose where they live, so I suppose it’s easy for the university to stick them in the non-air-conditioned dorm that has a bug problem. Can’t complain when there’s a scholarship involved, right? Right! I know that first-hand.
I hope I can help these students adjust. It is my job, after all.
I’m a little homesick, I’m not gonna lie.
It stormed today and it was amazing… off to bed to read.

It’s official. I’m the world’s most inconsistent blogger. I reeeeallly wanted to blog from Atlanta. Really was in the plans. I was just entirely too exhausted each day and used the few minutes before I passed out as relaxing time. I know it’s nerdy but I kind of feel like I should carry a tape recorder around to capture the stream of consciousness because I do develop a lot of brilliant blog material I just never go so far as to document it. It’s quite frustrating.
Atlanta (from what I saw, which wasn’t TOO much) is a pretty awesome city. We were able to explore a bit and it’s just super… got to the aquarium, saw the Coke headquarters and got to CNN Headquarters. There is so much to do there! It was hot. The convention was exhausting.
Oregon was an awesome adventure. I loved traveling everyday to new and exciting places. I got some amazing photos!
I now reside in a building built in 1856!!! Talk about character! I am loving my new home, and being close to Brian!!

I am going to do better at this!!!
Promise!